Has Guilt got you Down? This antidote may surprise you.
/Guilt is my constant companion. I wish I could kick it out the door on its very large behind, but it sticks to my proverbial foot like dog poop.
Guilt has a place to be sure. It guides me when I contemplate doing something stupid. I’m okay with that but when guilt becomes this annoying voice in my head that sounds like nails on a chalk board I begin to cringe.
I’m talking about the guilt that comes along with eating too much, drinking too much, forgetting to call my 91 year old mother who I just moved to a retirement home (HUGE guilt on that one. I’m calling right after I finish this blog…), saying no to a fresh faced teenager trying to raise funds for a good cause (already contribute to several), saying no to going to a party my husband wants me to join him at (too much exhausting small talk…). Those kinds of things.
I’m sure you can relate to at least some of this burr-in-your-sweater kind of guilt.
Knowing that all this guilt is detrimental to my overall wellbeing, I started thinking about solutions. I came across it while I was contemplating the wonderful Thanksgiving dinner that I over ate and over drank at.
It’s gratitude!!
Turns out that most of the time, you can find something to be grateful for even while the elephant named Guilt sits on your gut. Then, the strangest thing happens. You feel good instead of bad!
Researchers (bless their souls) say we shouldn’t bare the burden of guilt over things like:
setting a limit or boundary, even when others get angry or sad in response
not wanting to take a risk that others are willing take
being alive and feeling joy when someone we love is sick or has passed away
taking care of our own needs when others resent us for it
preserving our mental and physical health, when that choice affects others negatively
being lucky, having more than others, being born to privilege, and having more funds, assets, and food than others.
So here is what we can do instead of feeling the heaviness of unwarranted guilt. Take my recent confrontations with guilt as examples.
Instead of telling myself at Thanksgiving, “Did you really need that second helping of stuffing? Ditto on the apple pie.”, and feeling the inevitable pang of guilt I could do this:
Notice the feeling of guilt. Ask myself: What does this guilt show me? What is the kernel of insight? Then…
Mind swap guilt for gratitude.
So instead, I can say: “I am so lucky to be with my family on Thanksgiving and have all of this wonderful, home made food to enjoy.”
Regarding my Mom, rather than saying “OMG. After all the sweet, generous, loving things your mother has done for you all your life, how can you move her into a retirement home?” I can say with all honesty “We are so fortunate to have a good retirement home close by and I know it is the very best thing for her own safety and it takes a large weight off my sister.” (My Mom has been living with my sister and brother in law for over 13 years and they have cared for her with enormous devotion and love.)
It feels so much better to focus on gratitude rather than guilt and makes it so much easier to have a loving and joyful relationship with myself. This, in turn, allows me to share my joy and gifts with others around me instead of carrying around, and no doubt projecting the low and heavy vibration of guilt.
If you suffer from the burden of guilt, I hope the idea of mind swapping guilt for gratitude helps you too.
Before I end this blog, allow me to share one last gift of gratitude.
I attend a weekly talk with Indigenous Elder Rachele Prud’homme. At the beginning of each talk she she lights her ceremonial smudge and, using her eagle feather fans the smoke towards the camera, offering her viewers peace, joy and abundance. Then she goes on to smudge herself, acknowledging all of the gifts she has noticed that particular week. It is a thing she does with such effortless it leaves me in awe. The gift of gratitude she shared this week as she waved the smoke towards her eyes and expressed gratitude for sight was the “feast of colours” offered by the trees of autumn. I loved that she way implying a “feast for the eyes.”
So, when you next look out your window or take a stroll through the autumn leaves, feast your eyes!
I wish you a Happy Fall.
xo
Lori
