The Best Relationship You'll Ever Have
/Most of us, at one time or another have found ourselves in an awkward situation with a friend or partner. It might be a disagreement or a differing point of view or perhaps even just a misunderstanding.
No matter the origin, this kind of disharmony can cause a lot of angst.
I had this very situation happen to me recently. The funny part is, there was not even really a problem. I'm glad this happened though because I came to a sudden realization and I want to share it with you.
Here’s what I learned: The best relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
I came to this realization while sitting on my yoga mat about to start a meditation. I had been ruminating on the awkwardness I’d been feeling with said friend of mine. The awkwardness seemed to self-generate like a gloopy ooze originating from a fear that this person no longer valued our friendship.
After my customary few minutes of settling into my meditation with some long, deep abdominal breaths, I set my intention. I opened my heart, visualized my dear friend and began my mantra; “I have a loving and joyous relationship with Blank.”
But then, the realization hit me, and it was this: What I really needed to affirm is a loving and joyful relationship with myself!
(My friend’s name isn’t really “Blank” but you know, privacy and all…)
Here’s why you are your own best friend, and I know this list sounds a little tongue in cheek, but there’s some truth in it.
I am always there when I need me.
I never have to worry about losing touch with myself.
I can talk, walk, play, explore or do anything else I want with myself and I’ll know, without doubt, how I feel about it.
I know I can trust me.
I laugh at my own sense of humour, even if it is a little quirky.
I can forgive myself.
There’s likely more, but these things come to mind easily.
I’m not saying we should drop our friends, mount a few more mirrors on our walls and just hang out with ourselves. Sharing experiences with a close friend and/or a partner brings a lot of joy to the moment, but I believe we need to remember our selves in our circle of friends.
To underscore the importance of being your own best friend, try this exercise from www.mentalhealth.org.uk.
The author asks us to imagine being in a relationship with someone you don’t love, find deeply flawed, worthless, and not good enough. Now imagine you have to be in this relationship for the rest of your life. How would that relationship feel? How would that relationship affect your thoughts, behaviour and day-to-day life?
Yikes!
Robert Holden, a prominent British psychologist says,
“The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Here’s another exercise to try (as opposed to the one above, this one actually makes you feel good!):
Look at yourself in the mirror. Don’t look for your flaws! Just really see You. Then, give yourself a high five; just for showing up and being there to experience your day with you. Yes, you’ll have a hand print on your mirror, but it feels strangely good to do this.
I invite you to take time to appreciate the beautiful person you are and nurture that relationship that you have with yourself, just as you would a relationship with a dear friend.
Stay well and let me know in the comments if you do the high five thing and how it felt. Even if it felt a bit silly. The exercise comes from the book called The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins.
=)
Lori
