Perspective is Everything: Would a Shift Help You?

My life was spinning out of control. And then it wasn’t.

What happened? What changed?

Perspective. That’s it.

I share this story with you hoping that you’ll be inspired by the power of perspective and experiment with making shifts when life throws you challenges.

My mother is 92. She has heart problems. Recently she has been having fainting spells and falling. The most recent fall left her with a cut, large lump and severe bruising covering her entire forehead. Both eyes went black. Then she got COVID followed by 10 days of isolation in her retirement home. We had moved her there hoping she would be more engaged in life and activities. My sister, who is the primary caregiver had been coughing and had not been able to visit for a couple of days. I committed go going to visit my Mom as soon as possible.

When I arrived at her apartment, it was littered with uneaten food the staff had left. I encouraged her to eat some home made pea soup, but the very act of eating took more energy than the few calories she’d be consuming. Her blue eyes looked dull and listless. After a few bites she slumped onto the table. “I’m okay” she attempted to assure me “just exhausted.” Seeing her like that was heart breaking.

My sister and I, along with the staff at her retirement home knew it was time to make alternative arrangements. My sister planned on taking a couple of days to feel better and then bring my Mom back home to her house where she had been living before. Everyone in my family sighed a tentative breath of relief.

Here is perspective shift number one.

Old perspective: We need to get my mother better and improve her quality of life.

New perspective: We need to accept that my mother is dying and give her the most gentle and compassionate care we can as she moves towards the end of her life.

What do You See?

Sometimes our perspective only allows us to see only one thing. What do you see in this image? Most people see a young women looking away from the viewer. If that’s what you saw first, look at the young woman’s ear and see it as an eye. Now can you see the old women? At first it might be hard to switch back and forth. Try shifting from one perspective to the other. The more you do it, the easier it is to see both the young woman and the old women. The only thing that has changed is your perspective.

The next perception shift was inspired by a difficult Monday morning.

It’s 8:45 and I’m sitting at my desk in my home office. (If you don’t already know, when I’m not seeing clients I am working for the Federal government). I’m looking at my computer with something akin to dread. I’m not sure I’m ready, but with a deadline for the launch of a huge project looming I have no choice but to pry the lid open on my Dell. Even it hesitates. “Do we have to?" it asks while it groans to a start. The first email brings bad news. The person who had just came on board to help me get the monster project to the finish line has gone on sick leave. Fear strikes. Have I have caused some sort of overload shock, having just briefed her on the tasks ahead I wonder?

Three minutes after reading that email, I see my sister’s name scrolling across my iPhone.

“I’m really sick” she croaks when I hit the answer icon. “I can’t get out of bed.”

After a round of phone calls to my niece and the retirement home we get things worked out. My niece was able to come to the rescue and look after my Mom until my sister can get vertical again. But I’ve still got the work problem…

Perspective  shift number two.

Old perspective: I need to figure it all out and get everything done but there’s way too much. I can’t do this.

New perspective: What is one small thing I can do to help myself? Who else can help with this situation?

This perspective shift was a tough one. The old perspective of feeling like I’m not capable is hardwired in my brain with kryptonite. I had to back up my new perspective with a couple of powerful intentions. I scribbled  “I find ease and patience while working through challenges” and “I am capable and set boundaries that enable me to work effectively” on a sticky note and pressed it to my wall.

Self-support in Action

You’ll see some of tools I use to shift perspective in this image. This is my actual office wall and note pad.

On top of the Mom and work challenges, my daughter was really struggling after an event that seriously shook her up. Out of respect for her privacy I won’t go into details but suffice it to say, it was pretty bad.

Perspective shift number three.

Old perspective: I need to solve my daughter’s problems. I know what she needs to help herself.

New perspective: She knows what to do. I just need to listen and let her find her own wisdom. I know she can get herself through this and I’m there if she needs me.

I still have moments of slipping into dread and fear. When that happens I notice it. I breathe into it until it loosens its clutches even just a tiny bit and then I make my best effort to shift my perspective. I try and see things from a different angle. What I’m realizing is that shifting my perspective changes my patterns and triggers. Over time, I believe that the hardwired beliefs and patterns in my brain will start to shift so that I can see the unseen. This shift will enable me to deal with life with less stress and more joy.

The. next time you’re faced with a difficult challenge ask yourself: Is there any other way to see this situation?

May a flexible perspective support and guide you through the challenges you face.
Stay well,

Lori